I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
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