my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
and you fell through a lawn chair
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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