I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
