I hope mine doesn't look like that
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
