Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Randomize
