Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
