You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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