That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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