Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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