What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
