Acid is not a monday night drug
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
