I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
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