My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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