Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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