i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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