Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
