The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
