I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
