i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
