The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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