i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
