I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
My breasts were aching with rage.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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