This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
