This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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