I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
I did not marry a roomba.
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