Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
