when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
It's never too late to be topless.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
