we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
