I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
