Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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