can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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