Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
