I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize
