I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
do herpes really smell.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
