i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
