So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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