and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
