So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
