I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
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