this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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