I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
