Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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