Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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