i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
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