'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
