I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
