wakey wakey hands off snakey
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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