She's JV to your varsity
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
