My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Just high enough for therapy.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
