I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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