Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Randomize
