i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
