I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
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