I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
