All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
