my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize