thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
