Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Randomize
