First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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