he referred to my room as the tit cave...
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
