take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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