her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
