Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
