she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
